So much to be thankful for

I have been contemplating making a Thanksgiving Day post all day, and have come to the conclusion, that this is actually a perfect way for me, to tell each of you, how much you mean to me (well, unless you're a stranger, than you might not mean that much to me, maybe some day if we meet you will find yourself among my thank you list...but not right now, ok, this is awkward, I'm going to stop before I dig myself into a deeper hole).

It is times like this when I feel so very far away from home.  It is times like this where I yearn to be safe in my mama's arms, and in the comfort of the home that I grew up in.  To wake up early and sit in my living room with the fire going.  To tell stories of where I've been and the places I want to go.  To recognize the missing place of my grandfather at the head of the table.  To honor together, with my family, how he is missed, but how we are thankful to be together.  I will miss my dad's welcome speech and the way he tears up when he speaks, the way he invites us all to take a moment to go around the table and reflect on what we are thankful for.  I will miss getting to spend quality time with my brothers, and my hilariously sassy grandmother.  I will miss family friends coming over late for dessert, the margaritas and the other mystery substances.  This is the first time in my 23 years of living, that I have not been home on Thanksgiving, and while I am aware that on the large scale of challenges that I (we) go through in this lifetime, I will get through this, and this is not so terrible.  But, I want to honor this missing part of what this holiday means to me.  A holiday where families across the country come together and break bread and share in this tradition.  And it is times like this, when I realize that I am so fortunate to have a place called "home" to miss, and it is a day like Thanksgiving, when I do not take for granted the incredibly loving family and friends that I have.  I am blessed to have this "heartache" and equally blessed to be able to create community and family, just where I am.  Like I have written before, home is where the heart is, and wherever we go, there we are.  So I am here.  In Italy.  And have much to be thankful for.  And so...here it goes.

I am thankful for my family,
who love me unconditionally
and who I love with every ounce of my being.
For my grandparents,
and my papa who I so miss.
For the house that I grew up in,
for the comfort of a comfortable bed,
and having a place to sleep.
For vacations
and chocolate.
I am thankful for my girls,
my posse from high school.
The incredible place where I grew up.
For Piven,
where I discovered the theatre artist within me.
 For my incredible teachers at BU,
and my second family there, my friends,
who will always, always remain so close to my heart.
To my people in Chicago.
I love you.
No, no..I LOVE YOU!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this last year.
For entering my life and bringing me so much joy.
For making my nose bleed on a slip and slide trampoline,
for sweaty dance parties,
and cocktails at The Whistler.
For laughing and crying and watching SVU.
And creating beautiful theatre with me,
and for letting me witness your work and growth.
To my collaborative sister (you know who you is).
Thank you.
Friends and family,
For giving me the courage to take this journey to Italy,
for supporting me in making the decision to jump into the unknown,
and take this big and scary leap.
I am thankful for this opportunity. 
For the people I have met so far,
who have already
shifted something in me.
I am thankful for this fresh air and my beautiful surroundings.
For the music in the language
For cabaret's and wine.
For the kick-ass students.
But most of all, today I am thankful for all of the love in my life,
what a blessing it is to be touched by each of you who are in it.

 

Procrastination is my best friend.

I decided to title this blog post "procrastination is my best friend" because the two of us do know each other very well.  And I have procrastinated making a new post, along with many other things.  The internet in my room has been a little shotty so it has been hard to find a time when I can sit down and commit to really giving you the low-down on what has been happening here in Arezzo.  But now the internet is working (at the moment) and it is pouring outside on a Sunday afternoon, so it seems like a Perfect time to check-in, say hello, and tell you WHAT HAS BEEN UP!

Oh my, so much to share with you, it is hard to even know where to begin.  Since my last posting, a ton of stuff has changed.  I was in a bit of a rough spot if you couldn't tell, but have no fear, I'm alive.   It's funny, because in my ongoing dialogue with friends and mentors at home, many people have used the word "classroom" as a way for me to relate to what is going on here.  Italy is my classroom.  And I am a student.   And I have been like, oh yeah yeah, whatever, so resistant to the idea that if I allow myself to truly experience whatever it is that is happening around me, and allow the space for things to take their course, maybe, maybe the lesson will come to light in time.  And dare I even say it, things might shift!  Endless possibility!  Whodathunk? 

Aha! Anywho, I have had some pretty awesome adventures recently.  I will rewind to last weekend and catch you up to this one (I know, I have now skipped Fall Break and loads of other stuff, but OH WELL).  So, one of the things I was struggling with in the beginning was going out.  For you Chicago friends, you know how much I love to partay and DANCE on the weekend.  I actually need to dance.  No, no, I'm not kidding, I'm quite serious.  Dancing is one of my BIGGEST forms of release.  Once I start, there ain't no stoppin me.  So last thursday (not this past one, but the one before that) I had African dance in town.  It was amazing.  We explored movement in connection to the Earth and did all of this work on the ground and with the rest of the group to really get in touch with it (the ground).  It can be challenging at times to be in an Italian dance class because if I can't see the teacher talking (and using all kinds of gestures while she speaks), and my eyes are closed, and there is music in the background, it sounds like garble garble in my ears.  But, when all else fails, I just move :)  Afterwards, I went to a party at the University of Siena (which is here in Arezzo) which was supposed to have a hip-hop reggae dj.  SCORE! I thought.  It was probably the worst dj I have ever heard, I mean, it was like a song would start and they would jolt you into a new song with no kind of artful transition, it was actually kind of hilarious.  It was like a dj on crack, but the bad kind.  But when a song was on long enough to dance to, oooooeeeee, I got down.  There weren't many people at this party.  Also kind of hilarious.  But, if you know me, that has never stopped me from dancing before.  The other funny part was the reactions of the Italian students to my dancing.  I by no means felt judged or looked down upon it was more like, "what the heck is she doing with her butt and how on God's green earth does one shake it like that" oh girl.  I don't think they were prepared for the Kira dance face either.  I meant business.

Friday and Saturday night were equally as entertaining.  I went to Aurora (bar) with some people.  It was nice to be out.  There was a man there that had been helping out the bartender, whom many of the Accademia folks are friends with (the bartender, not said friend).  This friend is a middle aged man, very funny.  He kind of reminded me of a penguin.  So, part of the reason it is hard for me to go out is because I dread the walk home at the end of the night.  You may think I'm lazy, but you have no idea.  It blows.  Seriously blows.  So this friend of the bartender offered to give me a ride home, with my friend.  He seemed nice enough, and I figured he was a good guy considering he was a friend of the bartender.  So we thought, what the hell.  Now, I feel like I would NEVER do this in the States.  A ride home from a stranger?  Two women?  Maybe I watch too much SVU, but I like to air on the side of safety.  Nevertheless, we accepted the ride home, it seemed safer than getting killed by wild boars on our walk home.  No, that wouldn't happen, but really there are wild boars here, and we eat them. 

So we left the bar, and started walking with this man, to what we thought was the car.  And he stopped at a door in the middle of the street and opened it and motioned for us to come in.  My friend and I looked at each other and had the silent exchange of "is he sketchy or friendly."  We decided to go in.  He turned on the lights, and it was his restaurant!  Thank goodness! He showed us the assortment of desserts and said, "Have any one you would like!" So we each had a ginormous slice of tiramisu at 3 in the morning and he opened up a bottle of champagne, which we finished, and he drove us back home.  It was amazing!  And my Italian was flowing!  I should drink champagne more often!  The next night was a repeat.  I went back to Aurora, and this time there were more people, and more people went back to the restaurant, and there were more desserts and more bottles of champagne.  Amazing.

This past week was also pretty interesting.  Wednesday there was a manifestazione (a protest) in Arezzo.  It was a student run protest.   It was to protest the many recent cuts in funding that have been made and will continue to be made in schools throughout Italy.  It was to protest that education is not a privelage, but a right, for all students, those with money and without.   The University of Siena (in Arezzo) is at serious risk of being shut down.  An entire University closed?!  We (at the Accademia) were asked to create a performance in response to this issue.  And so we created four short clown pieces that dealt with different aspects of what this protest was intended for.  One thing that we focused on was the idea of "the man" and what happens when "the man" starts to strip away the tools, funding and resources that make up a decent education, basic rights as students that we should have.  We wanted to create scenes that felt universal.  The Italian students could interpret "the man" as whomever they felt "he" was representing.  And because we are stranieri, foreigners in this country, we wanted to create something that made a statement but was not commenting on the specifics of Italian politics, create something that could connect our experience with theirs (and many other students and young adults throughout the world).

 

 

me after the protest teaching some clown ballet in the streets

 

 Although I wish for the students who ran this protest had a bigger turnout, it was awesome.  It felt really good to be a part of on so many levels.  I was supporting something that I beleived in and could relate to.  I was able to support my fellow peers in Italy.  I felt integrated into the community in a much deeper way than before.  And they were so appreciative to have our support, and we both learned from one another.  

I decided to take this weekend to catch up on rest.  I have been pretty exhausted, from last weekend and also the protest Wednesday turned into an all day event.  Friday night I started True Blood from the very beginning.  I'm still not sure how I feel about it.  I feel like there is something addictive about it, but I'm not sure that I actually like it...only time will tell.  Yesterday I had a GLORIOUS Saturday. It was perfection.  I feel like whatever you would imagine to be a typical Italian day, yesterday was it, in its glorified version.  So I woke up around 10am (two hours later than I usually sleep until) and met my friend Meredith in town.  We first went to the market together.  We were both in the mood to do a little shopping.  I bought 2 dresses that were super cheap and splurged on a pair of fantastic, quite practical, Italian leather boots.  They're tope..is that how you spell that color?  Anyway, I was also determined to buy some food to bring back to my apartment.  I have been pretty bad about grocery shopping lately, and cooking for myself, and I needed to buy a couple of things.  I bought the MOST AMAZING CHEESE I HAVE EVER HAD EVER IN MY LIFE! holy balls.  i mean, whoa.  pecorino.  which comes from a sheep.  ahhh.  or shall i say bahhhhh. oh god, I can't beleive i just made that terrible of a joke, well actually I can.  Then I proceeded to buy some of the best damn prosciutto I have had since I have been here from a little bottega that I had never been to before.  Yesterday was also a day of friendly people.  Like any day, or any place, it can be hit or miss.  But everyone smiled at us and sang "buon giorno."  Then we went to a small chocolate festival that was in town in Piazza Grande.  Heaven.  And they were giving away free samples at every stand.  And the guy who was giving out hot chocolate was super attractive.  Meredith and I were actually blushing the entire walk home talking about how attractive he was.  We think he liked us :)  Too bad I had shit on my face from lunch which Meredith told me AFTER.  My luck. Blows.

We then continued on our way home to Merediths to grab some ingredients to take to my apartment to make dinner.  We needed to buy pasta so we decided to go to a bottega down the street.  I saw that there were all types gluten-free noodles.  I thought to myself "wow, I've never seen so many types of gluten-free pasta noodles in my life!" and then i saw gluten-free bread and I thought "wow I've never seen so many types of gluten free bread" and then i saw the word "senza glutine" EVERYWHERE! It was a completely gluten-free store with cookies, bread, cakes, cereal, EVERYTHING.  They even made fresh, home-made bread which you can barely ever find gluten-free.  I actually said to the owner, Como se dice, heaven. I was in heaven.  We went back to my apartment eventually and watched Glee and one episode of True Blood and went to bed.  It was an awesome day.  Truly, truly amazing.  And here I am Sunday night at 11:54.  And am ready for bed.  So I go. Peace motherfuckers.

Riding the wave.

Dearest friends and family,

I apologize that it has taken me so long for a new post.  This partly has to do with the fact that I'm an expert procrastinator, partly because I was on fall break last week, and partly because there is no Internet in my room at the moment, oh...and also I've been sick with some kind of icky bug this week.  Go away flu!!!  While I have so much to share about my incredible trip to Spain last week (to Madrid and Seville and my whirlwind of a day in Rome),  I have a greater impulse to share some other things with you.

I'm gonna just call a spade a spade here.  It has been a pretty difficult week for me, with lots of tears and anxiety.   Kleenex and phlegm and sleepless nights coughing.  I think there is something off balance in the Universe right now, as I am observing many people with somewhat challenging weeks. 

Balance.  Hello, my name is Kira.  Let's have a coffee and chat some time.   If I wasn't worried about breaking my knuckles, I think I would have punched a hole through a wall this week.  I feel myself in the throws of a tsunami. I've been drowning in the waves and can't seem to keep my head above the water.   Breathe.  One step at a time.  It's like treading against water that is coming from the opposite direction of where the wave began.  It's exhausting and seemingly impossible, but with concentration and balance it will and can get done.

What could be so tough living in Italy you ask?  Aren't you just getting drunk off the wine and finding nourishment in the pasta.  Getting lost in the melody of the language and the beauty of the country. Well yes, these things I know to be true.  And I have the growing thighs and belly to prove it. 

I was talking with a dear friend of mine about how everyone back at home romanticizes this idea of "living in Europe" with such passion and conviction.  My point being the idea vs. the reality.    Everyone, rightfully so, says things like "you're in Italy, wow that's a dream," so I have this weird feeling of denial about struggling in such a "beautiful" place.   It is beautiful, and I am lucky in many ways to be here, but life presents itself with the same challenges no matter where you go.  Darkness and shadows are present even in such beauty.  In any country.  I am no longer a tourist, but a foreigner, trying to get my bearings.   I am lost in translation.  Drowning in the language barrier, trying so hard to have the energy to commit to really learning Italian.  Trying to rid myself of inhibitions when speaking the language, trying to not beat myself up and feel like a complete idiot.

I have these two contrasting parts of myself, that I've been seeing as war, as opposed to letting them co-exist together in peace.  I miss home.  I miss my incredible friends and my amazingly supportive family.   I miss the freedom of being able to work on any given project at any given time.  And although I am so excited for my friends and the projects they are working on, it also leaves me feeling so devastatingly sad and stirred up.  It is not jealousy but rather the feeling that I am missing out on opportunities in Chicago that I know I would get to participate in if I were home.  And the opportunities to be creative here are few and far between.  I am allowed to teach workshops, outside of "working hours" but after an 11 hour day it is hard to find an extra two hours to fully give myself to these students.  Balance.  I have all of this stagnant energy waiting to be released through teaching, through taking classes and performing and I can feel it building up inside of myself, ready to cause an Earthquake.

I'm in Italy complaining about how I can't perform?  I don't know how to explain it so that I don't sound like I'm whining or not appreciative of what I have.  I guess my biggest dilemma right now is that  I feel like I'm not utilizing the best parts of myself here.  So it is this balancing act of discovering how much it is my responsibility to COMMIT to making time and opportunities for myself, and how much of it is actually out of my control because this is the job and I just need to come to peace with that.  Should I stay or should I go, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.  ROAR.  I love this place, I do, but I'm wearing thin and it has only been two months.  Patience.  Ok, deep breath.

The other part of me believes, but Kira, if you were still in Chicago  you would be missing out on the opportunity of living and working in Italy.  You have the opportunity to give back to a place that gave you so much!  Why is it that we are constantly seeking the other, looking towards the future instead of living in the moment.  I keep researching grad schools for fall 2012.  We're still in 2010.  COME ON KIRA!  Oh my god, this shit is so much easier to write than to practice.  One step at a time, right? When I arrived to Italy in September, I spoke with a dear friend of mine who said something to me that stuck.  She said, this job, this position in the school and also in your life, is symbolic of you transitioning from Maidenhood to Motherhood.  "You are one from which students will seek guidance and nurturing.  They will ask advice and find comfort in knowing that they can trust you. And this quick maturation will be painful.  It will feel like your bones will be growing too big, too fast for your body, it will be painful to hold such rapid growth."  I feel this growth every day from daughter to mother, to wise watcher and lover.  I know exactly what she is talking about.  I feel this transition of becoming the guardian (which actually is in my job description because I lock the villa each night).  And such rapid growth, when I feel so alone at times, is exhausting and somewhat painful.  And I too have these expectations of what I need to live up to, to be the person I had when I was here.  But by letting go of these expectations of myself, I am free to BE this person rather than TRY.  That's my lesson.  Stop trying to try and just be.   And if I am able to be fully present in where I am, I will not see this experience as passing time until I make it back to Chicago, but rather as the life I'm living NOW moment to moment.   This is my "work" to do.  Be.  Meditate.  To not judge myself for wanting to be somewhere else but acknowledge it and work towards letting go.  Wherever I go, there I am.

As many of you know, my grandfather passed away while I studied abroad in Italy.   Learning how to grieve the loss of a loved one, on my own, was a challenge.  However, it made me in a way, grow up much faster.  The nights leading up to his death were nearly impossible for me to handle.  I remember they were sleepless and filled with anxiety, sort of similar feelings to what I'm experiencing now.   A tsunami of emotion.  Like I couldn't make it to land again.  But once he passed I started to create rituals for myself in order to deal with this loss.  My own ways of coping.  My own process.  One of the things I did to symbolize some sort of burial was to plant a tree in the backyard of the school.  I knew he would love the idea of this, to grow alongside music, dance and theatre.  This past week I had a rush of tears after my Italian class (although it wasn't really about the Italian class) and I went to visit the Buddy tree (Buddy was the nickname everyone called my grandfather).  And for some reason I hadn't visited the Buddy tree since I had been back.  I knew in this moment of not knowing where to turn, my Papa would be there to guide me.  So I stood with him and felt his energy come to me.  And I told him I missed him and asked him to please, help me find some strength both physically and emotionally.  And the leaves on the tree started shaking and a burst of wind brushed past me, and I knew, that it was him.

There is a part of me that believes that the spirit of my grandfather is here.  To keep me safe and protected.  To watch over me.  And so in the eye of this storm, I can hear the voice of my Pop saying, "Kira, sweetie, everything is going to be okay. You can do this. You are priceless." And I hear the sound of his music, gentle strokes of the piano, playing in my heart and I am carried home.

The art of relaxation.

I am relaxed.

Today is probably the first day since I have been here that was solely dedicated to some good old me time and relaxation.  Sigh.  Today was a glorious day.  Beauty.  Breath.  Sun.  Sleep.  Salame.  What could be better? 

I went out to dinner and drinks last night with the Program Assistant, Kelli, (an undergraduate theatre major here who also works a bit for the school).  That was the beginning of a relaxing soon to be Sunday.  After searching for restaurant after restaurant, we finally came upon one that was available for us that I had never been to.  We were hysterical because before that, we would walk into a restaurant and they would look at us and go, "Sorry, we're busy, unless you have a reservation we can't seat you."  This happened three times before making it to where we ended up.  We thought, how very un-American.  They certainly were not going to try and rush their clients out of a relaxing dinner so it was kind of the idea of "we don't know how long it will take before someone leaves so, maybe just find a new place!"  We each had a pizza (mine was with artichokes, prosciutto, olives and mozzarella) and shared a half liter of wine, and then went to a bar and had EXCELLENT mojitos.  We came back pretty early, both tired, I locked up the villa and started getting ready for bed.

When I went to bed I wondered if I should set an alarm.  Seeing as I had nothing to do, no work to get done the following day, I said NO!  The first time I haven't set an alarm!  I usually try and get up and do something productive, even if it's on the weekend, but I thought the most productive thing I could do for myself tomorrow is be "unproductive."  I woke up pretty early (8:30) and thought I must go back to sleep.  So I slept for another couple of hours and awoke to a beautiful day.  It was sunny, a little bit warm with a heavenly breeze.  I spent the whole morning doing NOTHING.  I had an espresso, read, organized my room, and just let myself be lazy.  However, I realized that I had absolutely no food for the day, and was going to have to make it to the grocery store.  So I set off with a couple of people for PAM (the grocery store), was in awe of the festival we discovered on our way.  The park that you pass to get to PAM was having a Festivale di bambini.  A festival of children.  There were all kinds of games, and music, and festivities for the children of Arezzo.  I am amazed by the place children hold in this society.  They are celebrated and adored.  Last night there were little kids out in the streets at midnight, with their families, being scooped up by their fathers and danced with by strangers.  The other day a Tabaccheria was closing up and I managed to stop in just before it was closed for the day, and this little boy, probably around 5, was mopping the floor.  It wasn't like he was forced to mop the floor by his family, he just wanted to, and so this little munchkin who was less than half the size of the mop, was dancing around mopping while everyone smiled in delight at what joy he brought to us all.

I got off topic.  Festival of children of Arezzo.  Amazing!  I went to PAM, bought some delicious treats, some vegetables, cheese, bread, tortellini, meats (salame and prosciutto), a bottle of chianti and balsemic vinegar.  I think that sums up basic food groups of Italy.  Oh...and two apples :)  I made a vow to myself that I would cook dinner by myself, for myself, and with myself.  I needed some space, a bit of distance.  Time to reflect and just be.  I am at the point in my time here where I am starting to feel more and more independant.  I trust the friendships I have made, and am continuing to make, and know that I don't need to be surrounded by people all the time to continue that bond.  And I am finding that I need quiet, relaxation time, in order to be the best version of myself (both with friends and my job).  I came back and had a couple slices of bread topped with pecorino cheese, the kind that has bits of cracked pepper in it (DIVINE) and a mixture of meats.  I also had a handful of olives.  It was perfection.  After I finished eating, I finished up straightening up my room.  I'm still waiting for my laundry to dry.  They do have one dryer here, but people don't really use them.  You hang your clothes up outside if it is sunny and they dry very quickly!  Or, you use these drying racks that we have, which take a little longer.  Everything here takes longer than it does at home.  This is both frustrating and wonderful.  It once again, teaches me to let go and not rush.  I felt like each peice of laundry I was hanging up or folding was representative of me letting go of something.  I know that sounds strange or corny but to take that much time to do something that is for yourself is a simple beauty.  Like getting groceries.  It takes 20 + minutes to walk to the grocery store, and even longer to get back (because it's uphill and you are carrying bags), but there is this sense of accomplishment.  In the moment I always wish I had a car, but when I am done I realize that there is something in this taking your time, this "inconvenience."  Nothing is easy but yet things are so simple here.  It is a shrug your shoulders type of atmosphere...a "what's the big deal" "why hurry" "enjoy"

So once I finished cleaning I was going to either take a walk, or read.  I started reading on top of the Teatrino (theatre), where you can sit on the roof, but it was a bit chillier than I had expected.  The sun was already starting to set and I didn't want to freeze so I thought I would go for a walk.  This walk shifted something in me.  The intuitive that I see at home told me that walks in nature for me, are my form of meditation. 

 I began to walk further and further into the countryside.  Past old Italian homes and stone walls.  I was sandwiched between these walls and vineyards.  I saw horses and heard birds chirping.  The sun was continuing to set as I went on this walk.  I was intoxicated by the autumn air.  I breathed it deeply into my lungs and felt exhilarated by this freshness.  I was watching the leaves fall and reminded of this season and its symbolism of transformation, a period in which I myself am going through.  I found myself with my arms spread out.  I was ready to fly.  Occasional cars would pass me but I was alone.  One with nature.  I danced to the music of the birds and would sometimes close my eyes, trusting that the ground was always there to catch me.  I went to places I had never been before, paths that I had never seen.  I trusted where my intuition was taking me, past farms and houses I had never seen.  I passed a couple of people.  I thought to myself, I am going to say ciao to everyone that I pass.  And so I did. And I was met with smiles and laughter and eye contact with strangers.  I passed by an old man's house/farm and he called out to me, "Buona sera."  I continued walking, around more vineyards, amazed by the grapes and the animals.  I stopped at a little intersection.  I looked around in every direction.  I saw mountains, and trees, incredible houses, and the light changing from day to night.  I was in awe.  I was in touch with that Divine spirit I am so curious to awaken in me.  I felt this surge of energy from above the crown of my head travelling all the way down my body, through my toes and through the ground.  I was moved to tears.  They were not tears of sadness, or even happiness for that matter, they just came.  I felt chills.  I felt powerful and grounded and in touch with nature and the world.  Interesting how even though I was completely by myself in the middle of Tuscany, in the country, I felt more connected than ever.  I decided to walk back.  I said hello to the birds and continued to let my arms fly in appreciation for this moment.  Wholeness.  It exists!  I couldn't help but laugh when I saw the horses...I was tickled by this walk in nature.  By the beauty it filled me with.  I felt like I was in a novel.  In all the chaos I found my center.  I got back to my apartment and felt like it was a dream.  Nature truly is my meditation, my relaxation.  And so I bless this moment in time, this beautiful Earth, and the power I found in solitude.  I am looking forward to making my dinner.  Ricotta and spinach stuffed tortellini with tomato sauce.  And of course a glass of wine.

May the light within me, touch the light within you.  To the Sacred in all of us.

Namaste.

Dreaming and Perugia: This is Epic.

Last weekend I went to Perugia with my friend, Magda.  It was a necessary trip.  I needed a breather away from the villa.  Don't get me wrong, this place is beautiful, and I surely can't complain but there does tend to be a sense of cabin fever if you don't leave the villa after a while.  The theatre students were in Venice last weekend, and the music students in Rome, so my usual duties as guardian of the villa (locking up, being the emergency contact) weren't as pressing.  FREEDOM!

We left Friday afternoon, after a morning of writing emails and relaxing and of course, a lunch of...need I even say it? KEBAB!  I just love them.  Mmmmmm...my favorite place in town is called Tangier.  On the train ride to Perugia, we started to notice some rain coming down.  By the time we finally made it to the Perugia station, it was POURING, and of course, like the space cadet I can sometimes be, I realized I forgot my piece of paper that had all of the hostel's information, where we were going to stay. WHOOPS!  I called a friend back in Arezzo and asked if she would be so kind as to look it up, and she quickly gave us the number to the Farmhouse Back-packer's hostel of Perugia (wooo, long name).  Of course they didn't answer and no one, cab driver nor information attendant, knew what we were talking about.  We FINALLLLY got a hold of someone who could tell us which bus to get on (but of  course not what stop).  I was having one of those, not anxious but...I don't know, frustrated moments like,  damn you Kira, way to forget important info, and of course it's raining and I feel like an ass speaking the language.  But I had Magda by my side to help with communication and to keep me sane.  After about a 20 minute bus ride we finally made it to our "stop," which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.  According to me, we were now in bumblefuck Perugia.  We recognized some English speakers, and since we were clearly not in a touristy part of town anymore, we thought hey they probably are going where we're going!   They were Australian, and they were going to where we were going.  They had already been to the hostel so they helped us out.

We arrived and were completely blown away by the hostel's surroundings.  It was an old farmhouse which they renovated to be a hostel.  But mostly there were private rooms, with only a couple dorm-style ones.  We stayed there because it was cheaper than most in town and seemed like a nice "getaway" spot.  They also had free breakfast and a kitchen that we could use if we wanted.  Magda and I shared a room that had bunk beds.  We ordered some pizza with a bunch of other people that were staying at the hostel on Friday night.  Everyone was extremely friendly and from all over.  The States, Canada, Australia, Spain, Italy and Russia.  We had a bottle (and a half) of wine.  I practiced my Italian for the rest of the evening and we were off...to bed...so we thought.  I COULD NOT SLEEP.  Since we were way the fuck out there in the country, and it was an OLLLLD farmhouse (did I mention they had farm animals too, and an ENORMOUS turkey).  At one point in the night after I had woken up to go to the bathroom, I came back and heard a fly buzzing in my ear.  I thought, okay fly, go away.  But it kept on buzzing.  I tried shooing it away with my hand, and the buzzing would stop...or so I thought.  There would be a nice silent period of 45 seconds when there was no buzzing and I would get settled into the idea that, this was indeed the end of the buzzing, but NO, it kept on for most of the night.  I finally put a shirt over both of my ears thinking to myself, well, at least if they buzz, they can't fly in my ears and eat my brain. FUCKERS.

Needless to say, I was tired as all hell in the morning, and found out that Magda had the same exact experience as I.  But, we were in Perugia, and we were going to make it to town!  So we set off for what was going to turn out to be quite the interesting bus ride.

Me on bus hoping I would not die.

 So, right before we got on the bus, we went to Bar Olimpia, to get a bus ticket (which they were out of) and a coffee (and cigarette of course).  And this weirdo man came up to us and asked if we were working.  Prostitutes?  No.  I'm not really sure why he was asking, or what he quite meant, but he was strange nonetheless.  Anyway, I quickly forgot about him until we were on the bus.  We were on route to Perugia (the city center) and all of a sudden I hear a screaming man, and someone is kicking the door violently, pounding, with fire coming out of his ears. Literally, there was fire.  Well, not really, but there may as well have been.  The bus driver kept on driving and didn't let him get on, because the stop this crazy man was at, was not an actual stop en route.  So we go on our merry way, pick up a nice lady at a bus stop, turn around and contin...nope, not continue.  This same man ran his ass all the way up the hill (it was quite a hill might I add) and was standing with his arms out in the middle of the road so we couldn't move.  He would then try to go to the front of the bus and pound his way on and when the bus driver tried to keep driving, he would just run back in front of the bus, and not let us move, because if we did, he would've been run over.  Finally, the bus driver stopped the bus (going downhill..ahh poop in my pants) got out of the bus, and the two men started yelling.  The bus driver got back on and this crazy lunatic barged his way on as well.  I thought to myself, I'm going to die today, on a bus, because this fucker is crazy.  Well, he didn't hurt any of us but he kept yelling at the driver, there were a lot of vaffanculo's (fuck you) and he threatened to call the police and was cursing him out for the rest of his journey.  He got out like 2 stops later.  He caused quite a raucous for such a short trip.  FINALLY, we made it to town and went up the escalators into...

...HERE.  It was the coolest thing.  Ancient shit.  Here I am being oh so dorky :)

 We walked around the city the whole day.  It was beautiful! It felt like every corner you turned had something special, or felt unexpected, or like you were in a movie.  We ran into a girl from our hostel who was awesome and hung out with her for a bit.  Magda and I then made it to an exhibit called, From Chagall to Fellini.  It was pretty mind-blowing stuff.  Chagall, Ernst, Dali, Miro and some other bad asses.  There were installations of Fellini films all over, and near the end there was a little theatre section set up showing bits from some of his most famous films.  It was awesome!

Views of Perugia

Cool view!

So many fantastic bridges in that city!

 We hung out on the steps in the main piazza for a while.  We both got a beer and people watched.  It was quite an interesting crowd.  There were TONS of young people and in a matter of minutes it was

completely full of people.  Earlier in the day it had almost looked like a ghost town.  We had dinner at a Greek restaurant.  I momentarily thought that I lost my camera, but I had left it at a restaurant where we sat down to eat and then realized it was too expensive so rudely left.  Karma.  I realized I left my camera there...WHOOPS.  Later we met a bunch of people from our hostel at this bar in the same, main piazza.  There was a horribly annoying Italian man hitting on this French girl from the hostel.  He was reaaaaal drunk.  When the group decided to go out dancing, he started following us and brought a chair from the bar for
good measure.  He finally got lost.  We went to this little dance club and there was literally NO ONE else there.  Well, maybe five other people.  We were in the mood to dance, and a small crowd never turned me off, so I wasn't shy and started goin all out.  All of us started to have a little dance party and before we knew it the whole place was full and we were a sweaty mess.  We decided to leave around 3ish in the morning, waited a while for a taxi, had a pretty hilarious ride home in which one girl with us was beggggging the taxi driver to let her smoke in the car, he kept saying no, it became a very funny back and forth little game between the two of them. 

my obsession with doors part 1

Chilling at the farmhouse Sunday morning :)

Anyway, we made it back, went to sleep, no buzzing this time!  We left in the afternoon and made it back to Arezzo in the late afternoon.

A whole has gone by of work and such.  My back is getting progressively worse, but I FINALLY called this man who is supposed to work magic, so hopefully he is as good as they say.  Before I depart for the evening I must share with you the most exciting part of my week!  Today, I led my first workshop.  In my contract it stated that I could lead workshops as long as they did not infringe upon my working hours, or I had to make them up in some way.  So today, I had my first.  My freshman year acting class we explored our dreams and at the end of the semester staged them, using the ensemble to help support the images from our dream, while we narrated our dream as if we were experiencing it at the present moment.


So I decided to create a workshop on dreams!  I had no specific goal in terms of where I wanted to get with them (performance ready, etc.)  I thought I would lead them through a series of exercises, see how they responded, and hear what they were interested in exploring and how far they wanted to go.  There were a group of 6 undergrad theatre students today and we had such an incredible time.  I led all kinds of movement based exercises, object work, gesture work (all pertaining to images of their dreams) and we explored one girl's dream using the gestures that she explored.  It was fascinating to watch, both the ways in which their bodies moved through space in relationship to the room and each other, and also how they connected with this work.  They did an incredible job.  They were so open and eager and dove right in.  I too felt good about the way that I led the group.  I was always engaged, open to seeing how they worked, ready to adapt to their needs as I saw and also very comfortable and confident in leading the exercises that I chose.  It is quite an incredible opportunity to be able to "test out" my waters as a teacher, not that this is something so new for me, but I am able to explore new ways of facilitating, new ideas, subject matter, etc.  I'm grateful for this. It makes the hard times that I experience here all worth it.  I am off for my Friday night.  The students are having a TOGA PARTY! woooo...I will stop by and say hello and then be on my way to a bar in town that a bunch of people are going to.  Buon weekend tutti!


Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one.

- John Lennon

OVAI = OYVAY

Here I am two weeks later with a new blog post.  It maybe even more than that!  Dio Mio! or Ooooh MADONNA (another phrase we use over here) or what I learned today OVAI!  You would use that in exchange for what we Jews always say, oyvay.  I apologize that I've fallen off the wagon, or the Tuscan hill and into the I'm so tired at the end of the day all I feel like doing is having a glass of wine or watching SVU or looking at the stars or procrastinating blogging in whatever form that may bring (lots of facebook, YouTube video exploring, g-chatting...not that that's what you would think a person would do whilst in Italy).  Sometimes I do venture into town to Aurora, the good old Communist bar or  listen to Joni Mitchell/James Taylor & Carole King's Trabadour Reunion tour and CRY.  Just kidding.  Kind of.  AHHH.

The aqueduct (on the way to school)

It's funny how I have read blogs of other friends, or skyped with them (another version of blog procrastination) and even though some may be in the east, and I am in the "west," here we are both skype-ing and looking at what everyone else is up to around the world and catching up on our guilty television pleasures. Not to say we are not present in our own experience of living abroad, but sometimes, in the midst of loneliness and confusion, it feels comforting to look at pictures of friends and family, things familiar and safe.  But I am trying to "ween" myself off of those "distractions."  I use quotations because I don't think that taking part in these things are necessarily bad, they are part of the experience, but I do think that it sometimes makes it harder for me...makes me miss home in a non-productive way and focus on the things I'm "missing" there rather than gaining here.  And no matter what happens, I am starting to feel and believe that this experience in Italy can only help enrich my experiences to come in the future.

So what the ef have I been up to?  I am struggling with my back.  Ouchers.  As many of you know I found out this summer, after many months of discomfort and then further aggravation, I have a herniated disc in my lower spine.  I have been trying to prolong the process of addressing it here in Italy.  I was doing a lot better at home before I came but I can feel it start to deteriorate again.  Sitting at a desk for 9 hours a day (+ 2 in the morning for Italian) probably doesn't help.  I'm trying to be better with physical therapy exercises.  I am going to make the venture into town to see this man who teaches Pilates to the MFA students and does chiropractic/healing type stuff.  That will be fun trying to explain in my half ass Italian what my problem is...lets hope he doesn't ask me how this whole trouble started ;)  I've been trying to avoid this as long as possible but truth be told, it fucking hurts AGAIN. Damn my schiena (back)! 

Since my last post I have done many new things!  I finallllly made it to the open air market in Arezzo which is every Saturday morning (this was the last weekend in September I am referring to...behind I know).  I bought some groceries (which I later made dinner with) had a Piadina, gelato, the whole works.  I bought some kitchen shtuff.  A strainer and dish towels, oh my!  I went with my friend Meredith who is in the MFA program.  We had a lovely night the night before (kebab and gelato and lots of wine!).  I took the rest of the day to explore Arezzo on my own and take a walk (and some pictures) which I hadn't had the time to do yet.  I got back and took a little rest and got ready for the festive evening that was to come.  Meredith and Dory had birthdays the same week so they had a join party which entailed dinner at a German restaurant in town, then hanging (and drinking and dancing) at another friends apartment and we finally finished at Aurora (we didn't quite make it to the dance club.  A lil too expensive for our liking).

Flowers at the market

Meredith drinkin' her coke after our Piadine

cool ass mother fuckin bike-- yeah I said it

One of the girls with Jezebel and juggling balls :)

That Sunday there were workshops at the Accademia all day led by Nausika, a theatre/dance group in Arezzo (Italy).  It was such a lovely day.  Besides from the hangover and lack of sleep from the night before, it was wonderful to be surrounded by so many different people.  When I was sitting outside drinking espresso, after espresso, after espresso (to try and wake myself up) this little girl came up to my friend Kevin and offered him a little bean that she had found on the ground that was edible.  We were a littttle skeptical, but she ate it, proving it wasn't going to kill us.  Her many sisters came to the table where we were hanging out, followed by her mom and mom's boyfriend, both incredibly friendly.  The woman spoke perfect English, and I sounded like a dummy trying to speak Italian...ok, I'm learning, I know, I need to cut myself some slack.  These girls were the cutest.  I received a package from my parents while we were all hanging out, that had posters of past shows I have created, so I told this family all about my endeavors in Chicago.  I then had the fabulous idea of getting out Jezebel Eskander (the South African stuffed animal sheep Jenny got me) and a clown nose.  And Magda had some juggling balls out.  So btwn. the balls, the nose and the sheep we were all having a gay old time.  I put on my nose, the girls put the balls on there head (I'm refraining from saying what I might normally say because they were far too young and innocent to be part of any that's what she said jokes).  We had the best time.  It was truly DELIGHTFUL.


I was going to get into my adventures to Perugia this past weekend with Magda, but that will have to wait for the morning because I have an Italian test tomorrow.  Mamma mia!  


Things are feeling more and more settled.  I had this moment in Perugia (only thing I will share now about that trip) when I was sitting on the steps with Magda, watching her eat a hamburger, and thought to myself I LIVE here.  I am not travelling for a month, or travelling abroad.  I am living and WORKING in Italy.  And I forgot in that weekend that I even had a job.  It was very strange, but comforting.  I am still trying to find more artistic opportunities for myself.  I am leading a dream workshop on Friday and am taking a dance class in town with a wonderful man named Gianni and woman named Ash (who I've just met).  The class is on Tarantella and other African and Mediterranean dance.  I'm very excited to have something going on in town, and to be the ONLY American...sigh.  How good for my Italian!


I will speak (or blog) of my Perugia adventures soon.  I can't beleive that tomorrow marks 1 month of my being gone from Chicago and here in Italy! WOW!  
  
Sending lots of love and positive energy to you all.  May the force be with you.


I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding."
— John O'Donohue

Dinner, Trash Party and Atonement, OH MY!

Well hello friends (and fam).  I should start with a little disclaimer.  This might be long, as I have a lot of territory to cover (that's what she said?)

One of the lovely MFA students has asked me to participate in a series of workshops that will help inform her process of devising a theatre piece for her thesis.  The first workshop was Friday afternoon and was so wonderful to be a part of!  Truly, it is opportunities like this, that will keep me artistically and creatively engaged, and will help fuel and inspire me to continue with personal projects here.

I entered the room to find myself surrounded by all different kinds of objects, strategically placed around the space.  We were led through a series of exercises in which we used these objects (which ranged from a banana to a guitar to an empty wine bottle) and ended up creating to a short piece of text we were given (and then expanded on our own), a movement piece containing three gestures.  Um...hello...this is a BU theatre arts' grad's wet dream!  Objects, gestures and devised theatre!  Yes, please!  My text was, "I dreamt of you last night," which turned out to be about a love I was unable to be with *cries internally.* I mean...just kidding.

I left the room feeling more whole, exhilarated and certainly supported by the wonderful group of people.  I am so so SO grateful to be a part of this.  I look forward to what is to come and am thankful for the opportunity.

View from Jesse's terrace at night

I later went out to dinner with my friend Jesse and a few friends from the MFA program, to a ristorante called Miva.  I had an insalata mista, and a pizza, senza glutine (gluten-free crust!!!).  It is amazing that the gluten free options are more readily available here than I find at home.  The pizza had mozzarella, tomato sauce, roasted eggplant, peppers, olives and mushrooms.  There were supposed to be capers too, but they forgot those.  Bastards!  We had two litres of sparkling white wine.  We then all went up to Jesse's INCREDIBLE terrace and proceeded to have about two more bottles of wine (and then some).

Around midnight, we headed to a Trash, Left party at a villa nearby to the school.  What is this you might be wondering?  Well, let us start with the word Trash.  Trash as I was informed is a type of music/party, circa 1980s-early 90s, a party with lots of flashing lights, crazy "out there" clothes.  This particular trash party was for la sinistra (the political left party) which is the former communist party, now democratic/socialist.  Arezzo is a pretty conservative town as a whole.  I'm still trying to get a better grasp and knowledge on the politics here in Italy.  I don't feel like I know quite enough to report on but I will keep y'all posted.  What I can tell you, is that this was the kind of crowd that felt like my kind of people.  It brought in the dudes with mustaches and cool haircuts and maybe fake glasses (so...close to the hipster crowd you might say), and more of the queer community than I have seen so fars, etc, etc.  These could possibly be my perceptions as an American, but my observations nonetheless.  People who liked to get down on the dance flo, need I say mo'?  I walked back around 5am and finally made it to bed around 6.  Perhaps my favorite part of the night was when Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show came on.  Italians and Americans alike knew all of the words and the dance moves, so many hands on hips and pelvic thrusts and jumps to the left (punny, ay?).

my lofted bed and living area in all its glory

I woke up the next morning, well, afternoon, feeling pretty exhausted.  I went into town and got the most AMAZING kebab filled with all kinds of glorious sauces (greek yogurt, hot sauce, hummus) cooked onions, mushrooms, MEAT, and fresh tomatoes and peppers.  MMMMM.  Then I got myself a nice little cup of gelato and returned back to the villa to decompress, clean my room, and make some dinner with friends.

My cute little kitchen

My very own bidet...also very good for filling up water balloons.

The sauce for our pasta.  Sauteed garlic, zucchini and zucchini flower in olive oil mixed with Gorgonzola cheese.

After dinner a very heavy discussion took place outside watching an incredibly beautiful thunderstorm.  We talked about forgiveness, loyalty, judgment, intention, both in/with ourselves and the world at large.  You name it, we probably covered it.  I realized that without even meaning to, we were covering the territory of what Yom Kippur is all about, and certainly what it means to me.  I am not religious, but can connect with what this holiday represents.  While yes it is about Atoning for our  "sins" or whatever you would like to call them, for me, it is about much more.  Letting go of the things that are not serving me anymore, of any ill-feelings I have towards someone, and certainly forgiving myself for things I may have done to cause others or myself pain.  It is about clearing out the old and making room for the new.  Spring cleaning...but in the fall, and to the millionth degree.

When I came back to my room I took some time to reflect on what these big concepts mean to me.   In the past few months I have been doing a lot of reflection as is.  Realizing that in my life, it is important to me to always come from a place of love, compassion and understanding.  It is something that I want to work on, and a place I want to live from, everyday.  And so, I make the choice to learn how to forgive, to free myself of judgment of myself and others, and to be more patient.  This shit ain't easy. 

And so I let go, and will continue to work on letting go and living freely, becoming more aware and mindful of my actions, taking ownership and responsibility of them.  And loving, deeply and fully, myself, and those around me.  Amen.

"Only from the heart can you touch the sky" - RUMI